Executive Director Blog

We Need a Dose of Tough Love

April 15, 2013

A funeral director recently phoned a radio talk show host in Iowa to say, “Very little is new in my profession. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve learned anything new in 25 years.” If you haven’t learned anything new since 1988, you haven’t responded to the national cremation rate jumping from 15 to 42 percent, the Internet opening a floodgate of price shoppers, casket importers pushing down casket margins, female graduates surpassing male graduates at mortuary schools, Gen Xers demanding new workplace practices, cancer studies threatening to ban formaldehyde, the emergence of the green movement, “Consultants” who plan funerals, funeral home catering, a swell in families with no religious affiliation, or the impact of “The Great Recession” on families’ final choices, to name a few.

Nothing new, indeed.

When I read the “there’s nothing new under the funeral service sun” comment, my first thought was, “Have associations like OGR failed its members? Were we too complacent? Were we too nice?” Probably. Like most humans, Boards of Directors and Association personnel don’t look forward to upsetting the apple cart. But maybe it’s time for some tough love. The fact is, if independent funeral home owners and managers refuse to adjust the way they serve families and communicate with area residents, they risk losing their businesses.

OGR’s leadership has taken great efforts over the last few years to identify the skill sets OGR’s Board, committee chairs and members, Regional chairs and staff need to help independent funeral professionals make changes that lead to increased profitability and productivity. That’s not easy. Habits are hard to change.

But change we must. OGR members can expect to see new ways it will provide education and information. The days of traveling a great distance to listen to an “expert” lecture from a podium are numbered. Instead, we’re planning interactive sessions where experts and colleagues will collaborate on issues and challenges that relate to their interests, funeral homes and lives. We’ve taken a step in that direction at our Annual Conference & Supplier Showcase that begins next week, but watch for next year’s event to be even more of a radical change.

We’re also looking at new ways to keep members connected. OGR launched its first Study Group that brought a small group of funeral professionals together for ongoing study of successful practices. The Association expanded its audio seminars with webinars to broaden participants’ abilities to interact with presenters. We’re evaluating options for Regional meetings that will help members adapt their business plans to the new competitive landscapes they face.

Change is never easy, but prompted by tough love from OGR’s Board and committee volunteers, we’re well on our way.

Crocodile Funeral Is Our Profession’s Crystal Ball
February 15, 2013

I live for days when headlines like, “Phillipines Town Plans Funeral for World’s Largest Captive Crocodile” appear on my news alert screen. Most items are run-of-the-mill tales of cemetery vandalism or zoning disputes. Occasionally there is a “breaking story” (note sarcasm) about America’s rising cremation rate.

The crocodile piece was a little different.

For about two years a 50-year old one-ton crocodile measuring over 20 feet long had been living in an eco-tourism park in the town of Bunawan in southern Philippines. After Guinness World Records declared it the largest saltwater crocodile in captivity, the crocodile—named Lolong—drew attention, tourists and revenue to the community.
Townspeople were shocked when their beloved Lolong died after developing a bloated stomach and flipping on its back (the official cause of death is pending an autopsy). Mayor Edwin Cox Elorde told The Associated Press, “The whole town, in fact the whole province, is mourning. My phones kept ringing because the people wanted to say how affected they are.” The mayor described the crocodile as his “adopted son.” Talk about crocodile tears!

Lolong got off to a rocky start with villagers because he…well…he sort of ate a few villagers when he lived in the wild. But Bunawanans are nothing if not forgiving, and they eventually grew to love Lolong as one of their own—although I suspect they loved him in a non-huggy way.

Villagers set up two ceremonies to honor Lolong. The first was a tribal ritual involving butchering chickens and pigs as an offering to forest spirits in gratitude for bringing Lolong to the community. The second was a Christian prayer recital leading up to the reptile’s autopsy. These are very different ceremonies with a common objective: to bring people together to share their grief and honor the good the loved one (in this case a very large scaly loved one) brought to their lives.

It’s easy to believe that fewer people are interested in publicly acknowledging their grief over a lost loved one than in the past. This story reminded me that it’s human nature to mourn the loss of anything we love even if we’re convinced that we’re too busy or too poor to do so. Funeral service has experienced many changes over the past few years because more people are recognizing the need to acknowledge their grief when losing “friends” (i.e., people, animals, and even—Heaven help us—reptiles) in ways that are meaningful, not simply traditional. The crystal ball doesn’t get any clearer than that.

The fact that people want to push the boundaries of funerals to new limits should be good news for funeral professionals. It tells us that funeral service is here to stay even as it morphs into something new. The trick will be to adapt OUR services to THEIR wishes although we may think to ourselves, “WHY would anyone want to do THAT?” I have no great affection for reptiles, but it’s encouraging that so many people felt the need to mourn Lolong in the company of others.

As a footnote, there’s talk about searching for another giant crocodile to replace Lolong. Good luck with that!

"Best Funeral Ever”: Over-the-Top or Sign-of-the-Times?
January 15, 2013

If you missed the TLC special, “Best Funeral Ever,” which aired on January 6, you missed quite a show. Social media sites have been buzzing since. For the most part, viewers watched with amused wonder at yet another reality TV spectacle. Funeral directors watched in horror as mourners took turns carrying an urn on various amusement park rides. The urn contained the cremated remains of a man who had been physically challenged and whose wish was to ride the rides that he never could in is life. A barbecue smoker-shaped casket held the body of the man who sang the Chili’s baby back ribs jingle as loved ones dipped spare ribs in a barbecue sauce tribute fountain. Santa Claus’s sled, complete with elves and manger animals, was ushered into the church containing the casket of a man who loved Christmas.

I may be going out on a limb, even though this show was a circus, we can learn important lessons from “Best Funeral Ever,” or perhaps be reminded of what we already know: if funeral professionals aren’t able to create unique, meaningful funerals for families, someone else will. Extremes are not necessary, but engaging the family is a must.

A larger problem exists than over-the-top funerals. Members of the public don’t want to think about funerals at all. Washington Post blogger Clinton Yates wrote, “I've been to a lot of funerals. Never once did it occur to me to consider I might rank one ‘better’ than another. After all, someone has died.” In other words, he had never been to a funeral that stood out or created a meaningful experience.

Granted, the ceremonies featured in “Best Funeral Ever” were arranged for a narrow slice of families who: a) were interested in untraditional funerals, and, b) had the means to pay for funerals which reportedly cost as much as $40,000. Even at Beckwith Funeral Home in Dallas, where the show was filmed, I doubt many of their funerals are as lavish as the ones televised.

Some critics liked the show. Huffington Post.com commented on the barbecue-themed funeral by writing, “Certainly for any who saw it live or on the screen, it will be something they can't forget, and that's not a bad way to go out at all.” The Star entertainment website writer Jacqueline Burt noted, “You know what I learned from the first episode? Most of us people in this here world have been doing the whole funeral thing wrong.” However, almost everyone was uncomfortable watching the segment where funeral home owner John Beckwith coached “professional” mourners to wail and thrash about to “earn their pay.” It seems that no one wants fake grief.

Final Resting Places—Something to Be Revered No Matter What
November 15, 2012

Veteran’s Day always triggers news stories about Arlington National Cemetery and its role in honoring men and women who fought to preserve our country’s freedom. A particular item caught my attention: CNN ran a story about the thousands of military dead who are buried in foreign countries. As I noted in The Independent Insider a few weeks ago, the government took no responsibility for recovering war casualties during the Civil War. By the Korean War, better technology and transportation options enabled the government to bring all fallen military personnel home. In between these conflicts, Congress established the American Battle Monuments Commission in 1923 to maintain graves for about 125,000 U.S. soldiers buried in 24 permanent American burial grounds outside the U.S. Some of these burial sites preceded the Civil War without any assurance that these cemeteries would be preserved.

By the time the Commission was formed, the military had struggled to return thousands of soldiers killed overseas in World War I. Returning so many bodies was unfamiliar to the military because previous wars had either been on a smaller scale or were fought within U.S. boundaries. During World War II, families were given three options: 1) return loved ones to the U.S. for burial in a national or family-chosen cemetery; 2) bury the body in an overseas cemetery with the promise of perpetual care; or, 3) send the body anywhere in the world if the family was willing to pay for the funeral. About 20 percent of families chose overseas burial in American cemeteries.

The Battle Monuments Commission maintains more American cemeteries in Europe than in any other country: 11 in France (the largest is Meuse-Argonne with 14,000 graves); three in Belgium; two each in the United Kingdom and Italy; and one each in Luxembourg and the Netherlands. The Mexico City National Cemetery is the oldest American cemetery maintained by the Commission and contains the remains of military personnel from the Mexican-American War, U.S. Civil War, and Spanish-American War. Soldiers killed during the construction of the Panama Canal and conflicts around 1914 were buried in Panama. Other war dead are buried in the Philippines (WWII’s Pacific theater) and Tunisia (WWII’s North African battles).

Thinking about our most honored citizens’ burials in cemeteries all over the world reminded me of a core purpose of funeral service that is relevant to everyone in the profession today: No matter where loved ones are laid to rest, or in what condition their physical remains are, it is up to us to communicate to families that their final resting places, whether in graves, urns, scattering plots or rocketed into outer space, are hallowed sites that must be treated with dignity and respect.

Sandy Hook Tragedy Highlights the Importance of Funerals and Funeral Professionals
December 20, 2012

If there is anything positive to come out of the horrific killing of 26 people at Sandy Hook school in Newtown, Connecticut, it is the international attention the tragedy has brought to the importance of honoring a life lived while bringing survivors together to begin coping with loss. Media reports focused on funeral details that were meaningful to families, such as mourners at 6-year old Caroline Previdi’s service who wore pink ties and scarves to note the little girl’s favorite color. Hundreds of firefighters lined the streets outside 7-year old Daniel Barden’s funeral to pay homage to the boy’s dream of one day becoming a fireman. At Victoria Soto’s funeral, a teacher who gave her life to protect children, singer Paul Simon performed her favorite song, “The Sound of Silence.”

Ironically, only weeks after a Money magazine article accused funeral directors of manipulating families into unnecessary spending on funerals, newspapers and websites have been filled with real-life examples of funeral directors who have set aside any interest in personal gain to help grieving families deal with the loss of their loved ones. The Wall Street Journal acknowledged that funeral homes typically perform pro-bono work following deadly tragedies; they are not a “windfall” for the funeral profession. Funeral director David Weber noted, "Generally speaking, funeral directors are very compassionate people."

An exhausted Daniel Honan, owner of Newtown’s only funeral home, Honan Funeral Home, has so far been a shining example of an ordinary funeral director working tirelessly and honorably to serve families in need. He told The Wall Street Journal, “We’re doing what we do—helping families bury the dead and follow their wishes.”

Reporters also spoke with OGR member, author and poet Thomas Lynch who further described the humanity of funeral professionals by saying, “A rampage inside an elementary school is outside the existential pale of our imaginations. But your obligation is to return the body to the family. This is the great kindness of the embalmer and the undertaker. It is a work of mercy.” He added, “In the most difficult situations, it is the most honorable work."

Funeral professionals, casket companies and other suppliers from all parts of the United States have offered assistance and merchandise. More than 100 funeral directors traveled to Newtown to help counsel families, transport bodies and process paperwork.

OGR volunteered to communicate unmet needs to its network of members, many of whom showed great generosity following Hurricane Sandy. The Connecticut Funeral Directors Association, which has been organizing volunteers and merchandise donations, indicated they’ve had a surplus of offers for help. A CFDA spokesperson said, “It’s been extraordinary.”